The temple has been constructed from from giant marble blocks, eternal in
appearance, and most of the walls are covered by ancient wall paintings
picturing Gods, Giants and peasants.
Large steps lead down through the grand temple gate, descending the huge
mound upon which the temple is build and ends on the temple square below.
To the west, you see the Reading Room. The donation room is in a small
alcove to your east.
Line 1: Forget about the word "You" in roomdescs if a bright idea to become an immortal ever comes in your screwed mind.
Line 1: end of the temple hall OF the temple, a tautology, think of rewording.
Line 2-3: storytelling, rewrite
Line 3: Why peasants?
Line 4: it is uncommon and most likely prohibited to have a roomdesc with two paragraphs, when it is not needed (example above)
Line 4: descending INTO a huge mound
Line 5: If I'll vision you, I doubt that I will see a reading room to the west. Also, word "you". Rewrite
Overall: D-, but keep trying.
Yours,
mentor of Dark Ones,
.kitn
p.s. На самом деле контроль бывает ещё придирчивее.
А бывает и нет. Emote wears his Raybans.
| re: Вещи, которые я сделаю. (Yasik) - .kitn , 19.07.2004 09:03 MSK |
